Counsel That Really Works: Practical Wisdom for Saving Your Family

When it comes to family challenges, everyone seems to have advice - except those actually living through the struggles. As author P.J. O'Rourke observed, "Everybody knows how to raise children except the people who have them." This rings true for all family dynamics: everyone knows how to fix your problems while secretly suffering in their own dysfunction.

The truth is, family requires godly counsel to thrive. Without it, we see the consequences everywhere - from adults acting like children in public tantrums to young people giving up entirely, staying in bed with zero motivation. Family was designed by God to transfer wisdom, direction, hope, and encouragement for living life successfully.

Why Do We Need Godly Counsel?

Proverbs 15:22 tells us clearly: "Where there is no counsel purposes are frustrated. But with many counselors they are accomplished." We live in an age of high technology and human achievement, yet our societies suffer from family implosion due to the absence of godly counsel.

Modern progressive parenting often lacks God's wisdom, applying cheap situational ethics to priceless heaven-sent treasures - our children. When we fail to provide proper guidance and boundaries, we're essentially allowing a five-year-old's "free will" to lead them into traffic.

What Does It Mean to Get Out of the Way?

Here's a crucial truth: you are not the savior of your family. Jesus is the Savior. He has done and can do what you will never accomplish in a million years. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is get out of the way and stop creating problems where none exist.

Too many well-meaning people interfere and create unnecessary drama. They suffer from anxiety and worry, making them part of the problem rather than the solution. When overwhelmed by fear, you cease to be helpful and become a liability.

How Do We Stop Creating Problems Where None Exist?

Many family conflicts stem from manufactured issues. Here are common patterns to avoid:

The Never Forget Syndrome

Everything's going well until someone brings up a mistake from years ago: "Please don't drop that dish like you did last time. You always break my nice stuff."

Third Party Conflicts

A mother complains to her son about his father: "Your father never helps me. He's too busy watching TV." Now the child is dragged into an adult conflict that isn't his to solve.

The Art of Fabrication

Creating elaborate stories about others' motives: "Ever since Jim married her, she's always sabotaging our relationship. She hates me." Often, there's a much simpler explanation.

Obsession with Perfection

Constant criticism over minor issues: "You burnt the toast again. Why can't you find clothes that fit better? You dropped crumbs on the floor." This creates an atmosphere of walking on eggshells.

Gaslighting

Denying real issues to manipulate others: "You're being too sensitive. You're making things up. I never said that." This is emotional abuse that must be recognized and stopped.

What Is Root Grafting and How Does It Apply to Family?

Root grafting is a farming technique where one plant's roots are joined with another to produce better fruit. Romans 11 describes us as wild branches grafted into God's family tree of blessing. We don't support the root - the root supports us. Jesus is that root.

When we align our thinking with His thinking, He supports and saves our family. We must trust Him and activate His wise counsel rather than relying on our own limited understanding.

Why Must Our Thinking Change First?

Jesus began His ministry with a one-word sermon: "Repent" - meaning change your thinking. He didn't start with prayer, worship, or church attendance. Why? Because if your thinking doesn't change, all religious activity is done in vain.

As we learned earlier in this series: change the root, you change the fruit. Nothing changes if your thinking doesn't change. The genius of Jesus' salvation plan is to literally change the root - your thinking - which then produces different fruit in your life.

What Practical Steps Can We Take Today?

Here's straight-talk advice from godly counselors and wise family leaders:

Daily Habits That Matter 

• Don't stay in pajamas all day - get dressed and look like you mean business
• If you're a family leader, act like it - get up early and pursue God's word
• Quit living sleep-deprived - turn off devices after dinner and go to bed on time
• Make your children's lunch - they'll remember it when they're 30, 40, 50, and 60

Addressing Behavior Issues

• Start with basics: what they eat, screen time, bedtime, healthy discipline
• Many find that eliminating sugar solves the "real demon"
• Give children meaningful chores - they're crucial for development
• Don't deprive kids of meaningful work 

Financial Wisdom

• Do the math on daycare - are you really ahead with both parents working?
• Stop praying for money and ask for wisdom, investment advice, career counsel
• Practice delayed gratification - money doesn't fix money problems, wisdom does

How Do We Raise the Bar and Stop Dumbing Down Our Lives?

God is able to do "exceeding abundantly above all that you ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20). As leaders, parents, and adults with faith, we must stop accepting mediocrity and start believing for more.

Be intentional about your future. Make tough decisions. Don't let others - including government programs - trade your children's future for your convenience. Guard against being passive and giving away your authority.

Key Principles for Family Leadership

• You teach your children about Jesus - don't outsource this responsibility 

• Be shrewd and understand that help isn't free - your kids often become transactional currency
• Don't be led by the "squeaky wheel" - be led by God's spirit of wisdom
• Choose wisdom above silver and gold

What Does God Promise When We Seek His Counsel?

Isaiah 45:19 records God saying: "I have not spoken in secret... I did not call the descendants of Jacob to a fruitless service... I promise them a just reward. I, the Lord, speak righteousness, the truth."

God hasn't called you to pay attention to His counsel for nothing. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us: "I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you... thoughts and plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."

When you pray "God, save my family," He will align your thinking with His amazing thinking. You'll have peace in the storm, discover His light illuminating every step, and know exactly what to do.

Life Application

This week, choose one area where you've been creating problems where none exist and commit to changing your thinking. Whether it's the never-forget syndrome, perfectionism, or trying to control outcomes you have no authority over, identify your pattern and repent - change your thinking.

Start with what you have authority over: your own thoughts and responses. Stop trying to be the savior of your family and trust Jesus to do what only He can do. Get practical about implementing godly counsel in daily habits, from getting dressed each morning to making your children's lunch with love.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Where am I creating problems that don't actually exist?
• What authority have I given away that I need to reclaim?
• How can I align my thinking with God's thinking this week?
• What practical step can I take today to implement godly counsel in my family?

Remember, Jesus is the best Savior in the universe. Trust Him when you pray "God, save my family" and watch Him work from the inside out, from the root to the fruit.

~ Dr. Stephen Marshall